One Night
by DracoGinny5ever
Summary: Spencer and Sam spend the night together, but come morning neither is sure what the other thinks.  Spam, rated M for a reason.
1. If Only He Loved Me

**Disclaimer: If I owned iCarly, Sam and Spencer would be like married by now. **

**A/N: This story is very Spam-centric. It takes place when Sam is in her twenties and Spencer is...not in his twenties anymore. If you have a problem with the age difference, I kindly suggest you try another story and/or ship. Rated M for sexual references. **

**One Night**

**~* Sam *~**

Her memories of the previous night were still somewhat muddled. She wasn't completely sure how she had gone from taking shots with her girlfriends to winding up naked in Spencer Shay's bedroom, but she wasn't all that concerned about the missing details. All she wanted was to savor this moment, this feeling of her lying sprawled next to Spencer with his arms around her. The mere realization that she had actually done it, that she had finally had sex with Spencer Shay was making her giddy, and her heart swelled with the knowledge of the closeness that they had shared.

She still couldn't believe it. After all the time she had spent dreaming about him, after all the years she had secretly pined for him, it was almost unreal to her that they had somehow managed to spend the night together. She turned to watch his sleeping face, so child-like, so carefree, so...Spencer. She reached out her hand and tentatively brushed away a strand of his long brown hair, careful not to wake him. And then, just as tentatively, she kissed him on the lips. Softly, slowly, and so gently that she was almost sure he wouldn't notice. Almost.

The sunlight was beginning to streak into the bedroom, like shards of glass shattering a dream. Sam was by no means promiscuous, but she had been unfortunate enough with the guys she had 'dated' to know that this was her cue to leave. She untangled herself from Spencer, who stirred but did not wake, and reluctantly began picking up her clothes that had been so carelessly discarded the night before. The dress on the floor, the panties in the bed, and the bra that, after several moments searching, had been found perching precariously on the windowsill, were all gathered and put back on in less than a minute. No small feat, but Sam certainly wouldn't stay around to gloat.

Because as happy as she was, it was morning now. A part of her wanted to stay in bed with Spencer forever, but the logical part of her brain knew that it could never happen. Guys like Spencer didn't take girls home to date or marry them, Sam knew this well. And even though Spencer had seemed so affectionate, so elated to be with her the night before, Sam was certain it had all been a lapse in his judgment, a drunken mistake that he would doubtlessly come to regret . No matter how much Spencer meant to her, she would always be nothing to him.

That was how it always had been. Sam watching from the side. Sam's heart breaking each time he came home with a new girl. Sam hoping some day he'd notice her the way he noticed everyone else. And she'd made sure he noticed her last night. She had looked so beautiful, and when he had drunkenly hit on her she had had no choice but to drunkenly accept. She'd made it look so casual, so effortless, but she had been waiting for even the slightest hint of interest from Spencer for years. Granted, she had always hoped that maybe one day he'd compliment her hairstyle or, heaven forbid, actually call her pretty or something. But if the only thing Spencer would ever want from her was a fling, she would still take it. She'd rather they have one night together than nothing at all.

Sam ran her hands through her rustled hair and checked her watch. It was a little after seven in the morning, a bit later than she had planned on staying, but still early enough that she wouldn't be in Spencer's way. At least she hoped.

The birds outside had already started to sing, but to her it seemed they were screeching; _get out, get out, GET OUT!_ Sam couldn't help but be painfully reminded of her years doing iCarly. When she was younger, she had always viewed Spencer as an older brother, as a sort of hero she could look up to when the disappointing figures in her own home life let her down. Spencer, in turn, seemed just as happy to take her under his wing and treat her just like a little sister. _Little Sister..._

It wasn't until Sam had gotten older and started looking at Spencer differently that she realized he was beginning to shy away from her. Their kid-like banter was soon replaced with awkward silence, and it became painfully obvious that Spencer felt on edge, even uncomfortable, whenever Sam was around. Sam could only guess that, to her horror, he had realized her attraction to him and was shutting her down because he didn't feel the same way. He was always friendly, always cordial to her, and yet she couldn't shake the feeling that she was overstaying her welcome every time she stopped by. Just like she was doing now...

The mere idea of Spencer sobering up and politely but firmly asking Sam to get the hell out of his bed was too much for her to bear. Her pride couldn't stand it. And so, with her head held high, she tiptoed to the doorway, pausing only when she heard what sounded like sheets rustling on the bed. She turned to look back at Spencer and realized, with a jolt, that he was already awake, watching her with guarded eyes. He seemed like he was still in a stupor, but that look of apprehension and guilt that she remembered from all those years ago was still there. That look brought back a world of hurt and bad memories for Sam, and whatever fleeting thoughts of Spencer liking her for anything other than a fling vanished on the spot.

If there was one thing she'd learned in her life, it was that it was better to hurt than be hurt_. Spencer doesn't like you anyway, silly thing. _The cold voice of logic cut through her thoughts._ You've always known it's a different girl every week with him. Lucky you that this week was yours, but it's over now. Time's up. _

Sam met Spencer's gaze with a deceivingly calm one of her own. "Hey, Spence. Thank you for last night. It was...great seeing you again." She let out a sigh. "I'd better head out, though. Busy morning." She shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, hoping against hope that Spencer would say something, anything that would make her think he wanted her there. _Ask me to stay. Ask me to stay and I'm yours. Just ask me to stay. _

Sam's heart pounded, and Spencer seemed to hesitate for a minute or two. But he wouldn't beg Sam not to go, wouldn't plead with her to stay with him. She knew it all along, but she still felt crushed when no further invitation came.

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, I have a really busy morning, too, but it was nice seeing you again." He paused, like there was something else he wanted to say but then thought better of it. "Take care of yourself, Sam."

_Take care_. The words stung like he had physically hit her. She blinked, trying very hard not to cry, and gave Spencer one last, sad smile before turning on her heel and slipping through the door. She made it as far as the lobby before she broke down, tears streaming down her face as she walked quickly away. Away from the loft. Away from the one man who could make her feel as ecstatic and tormented as she had in her youth. Away from Spencer Shay.

~* End of Sam's POV *~

**A/N: Stay tuned for Spencer's POV next chapter :) **


	2. He Could Hardly Believe His Luck

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. **

**A/N: I really take too long to update, don't I? **

**He could hardly believe his luck...**

**~* Spencer *~**

_He had only been to the trendy Seattle nightclub, a favorite of Socko's, once or twice before. Between the gaudy decorations, head splitting dub step, and throngs of oversexed twenty-somethings practically throwing themselves at each other from all directions, it was purely Socko's desperate and persistent nagging that had guilted him into accompanying his friend there that night. He had to admit though, despite his general aversion to nightclubs, that he had somewhat enjoyed himself. Perhaps a little too much. What started off as a reluctant few pints of beer with Socko had somehow led to many more pints, which in turn escalated to Spencer befriending an ungodly number of randoms and consuming an ungodly number of shots with them. _

_It had all started out innocently enough. Spencer was nothing if not a flirt, after all, and the alcohol certainly wasn't bringing out his prudish side. A wink at the pretty waitress as she came to collect his glass, a sloppy smile at the voluptuous redhead across the bar. He was even contemplating putting the moves on a gorgeous blonde who, sober, he would have immediately known was out of his league. But sober, Spencer was not, and with minimal thought about the rejection he was sure he would receive, he proceeded forward. _

_At some point before he could actually approach her, however, the blonde must have sensed him coming, for she turned and fixed him with a glare that could have stopped him in his tracks. In fact, he did stop in his tracks, for the mystery blonde in front of him wasn't such a mystery after all. _

_Spencer jumped to his feet, somewhat unsteadily so as the alcohol was still pumping rapidly through his system, and walked almost in a trance towards the girl he had tried and failed so hard to forget. _Could it really be her?_ He could hardly allow himself to hope it, yet was no denying the familiarity of her face; the soft rosy complexion of her cheeks, the fullness of her lips, and above all, the startling clarity of her blue eyes. Eyes that had haunted and allured him for well over a decade. Sam's eyes... _

_Sam, in turn, seemed to share some of Spencer's disbelief. As Spencer boldly pulled a chair for himself next to her, he watched the merest hint of astonishment flicker over her features. Her eyebrows lifted in surprise, and her mouth fell open for just a fraction of a second. As if she didn't dare believe what she was seeing. But she recovered from her apparent shock quickly, and before Spencer knew it she was once again the nonchalant, lazy, almost mischievous girl he remembered from his past. _

_Seeing Sam again after all this time ignited a storm of conflicting emotions that Spencer had tried to quiet so long ago. _She's your little sister's best friend, _the nagging voice inside his head reminded him. _She's your little sister's best friend, she's practically family, she's too young for you! _The logical part of Spencer's mind that had always kept him in check was screaming, shrieking, desperately trying to be heard. But suddenly Spencer found he didn't care. Suddenly it didn't matter that she was so young and he was over thirty, that she should have been just a kid to him, that she was Carly's closest friend. She was beautiful and she was there, and all the authoritarian thoughts he should have listened to grew fuzzy and dim until he heard just one: _

Go for it.

_It wasn't long before Spencer was confessing his astonishment at running into Sam once more, his delight at finding her there, and his honest belief that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. What's more, he wanted her to know how very light headed he was feeling and how very delighted he'd be if she'd accompany him home. Only for more drinks, of course, or at least that's what Spencer repeated to himself over and over again. _

She's just a kid. She's just a kid and you want to take her home to protect her from the other jerks out tonight.

_Unfortunately for Spencer and his rapidly deteriorating willpower, Sam had other plans. One look into her hungry, lustful eyes and it was all over. Before he knew it, he had latched his mouth onto hers, pulling her closely to him, running his hands through her hair like his life depended on it. Soon Sam had her arms wrapped tightly around him too, her tongue dancing with his in ways he had never imagined. And despite his former apprehension, he could hardly believe his luck. _

_At the time, Spencer couldn't bring himself to care that he was about to break the one promise he had ever made to himself, that he was about to change forever the nature of his and Sam's relationship. The alcohol had done a fantastic job of suppressing his near constant uneasiness about his feelings for her, and there was no way he could possibly turn back now. _

You're going to regret this_, the one small part of him that had remained sober warned. _You know this can't end well, and you're going to destroy everything_. _

_It wasn't until the following morning that he'd realize just how much damage he had actually done. _

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! More to come soon, as always reviews are very much appreciated! :)**


	3. If Only She Knew

**If Only She Knew**

**~*Spencer*~**

And even though Spencer had tried so hard and for so many years to overcome his less than brotherly thoughts for Sam Puckett, he still saw her in his dreams. Blonde and beautiful, tiny yet feistier than any woman he had dared flirt with, he had never been able to get her out of his head. Or out of his heart.

Not that he'd really wanted to.

Perhaps it was because of Sam's frequent presence in Spencer's sleep and her almost nonexistent appearances in his waking life that he was remembering the events of the night before as if they had been a dream.

_But it had seemed so real…_

He thought about his excitement at seeing Sam, at Socko's favorite nightclub, of all places. He remembered how beautiful she looked. He vividly remembered kissing her.

The birds started to chirp outside as sun streamed into Spencer's window. He lay in his bed, arms sprawled out awkwardly as the final remnants of sleepiness left him.

And yet more memories flashed before his eyes. Memories of Sam, lying in his arms naked. Memories of them _…doing things_ that would make Carly faint.

He heard the rustling of sheets beside him and breathed in the undeniable scent of Sam's hair that had been fanned out next to him only moments earlier. Just like that, he couldn't deny it any longer.

_It had all been real!_

He wanted to stand up and cry or shout in jubilation. So many years of waiting, hoping for a forbidden dance with the one girl he had ever cared about. And it had finally happened.

He opened his eyes, hoping to see Sam looking adoringly back at him, and felt the smile that had been creeping on his face start to slide off. He wouldn't have been surprised to see her yawn or look bored. Wouldn't have been surprised to see her fall right back to sleep.

But he was surprised to see her leaving.

And surprised to see her look so guilty. So ashamed. So unlike the fearless girl he had grown to truly care for all those years ago.

He didn't understand it. Hadn't they had fun? Hadn't she felt the same way? Hadn't they thrown caution to the wind and crossed the point of no return together?

Or was it a bridge that they had crossed too soon?

Spencer knew that, at the very least, the night he had spent with Sam had been a bit of fun. Deep down, though, if he was truly being honest with himself, he was nurturing a faint hope that it would turn into something more. He had had feelings for Sam since practically the day she had turned eighteen, hell, even earlier, though he dared not admit it. But Sam was so much younger. She was unpredictable. She was reckless. She didn't know what she wanted.

_She was his little sister's best friend. _

He had hoped that now things would be different. Now that they had run into each other again, come together as adults, they could be honest with themselves and with others about what they had really wanted.

Apparently, though, what Sam wanted wasn't him.

And so Spencer steeled himself as he watched the one girl he had ever cared about leave his apartment. He had been so good, so damn good at hiding his emotions from her when she was younger. He hadn't wanted her to suspect that her best friend's older brother had developed feelings for her; it could have had catastrophic consequences on Sam and Carly's friendship. He had had to shield her from that hurt.

But this time, he wasn't shielding Sam from hurt. This time, he was shielding himself.

He hadn't realized he had been staring as the feelings of misery and rejection rolled over him, but Sam had. She looked at him with mild interest.

"Hey, Spence." She offered guiltily. "Thank you for last night. It was…great seeing you again."

Spencer sighed at the same time she did. _Why did she have to be so darn adorable?_

She continued. "I'd better head out, though. Busy morning." She averted her gaze, looking down, looking like she'd rather be somewhere, anywhere, other than that apartment.

Spencer wanted her to stay so badly. He would have given anything, literally anything, to convince her to spend a few more moments in his presence. But he knew it couldn't be. Because even though they were both adults now, he couldn't shake the sickening guilt that he had ruined their relationship forever. That the way Sam viewed the one father figure in her life would now be marred and tainted because of Spencer's lack of self control. He felt horrible, disgusted with himself, and even though he wanted desperately for Sam to be with him, he reverted to the old art of shutting her out.

_For her own good…_

"Yeah, I have a really busy morning, too," he lied. "But it was nice seeing you again." He paused, wrestling with himself.

_I want you to stay with me, Sam. I want you to stay and I've always been yours. I want you to stay. _

But that authoritative voice, the same one that had made him deny his feelings all those years ago, finally took over.

_You have to let her go. It's for the best. _

"Take care of yourself, Sam."

Spencer had no way of knowing how much his seemingly callous dismissal broke Sam's heart. He never saw her break down as she reached the lobby, never even heard her cry. He figured she merely regretted what they had done together and, wanting to do her a favor, allowed her an easy way out.

It had been the least he could do.

But Sam had no idea that, even though she was hurt and devastated, Spencer felt every bit as awful as she did. Because it wasn't until after she left that Spencer threw off his covers and put his head in his hands in frustration. He punched his mattress, trying to let out some steam, and couldn't help but reflect on his poor luck.

And to think. To think that he had been given one night. One night with his dream girl.

But nothing more.

He curled up on his side and hoped to sleep off the rest of his hangover. If he was lucky, he might even see Sam again in his dreams.

**A/N: I do not own iCarly. **

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I know it's been forever since I've updated and I'm sorry for being such a lazy lump. I will be trying to finish this fic up soon **


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